Ssssssuperbitchfest!

how do you spell idiot? M-A-L-A-Y-S-I-A-N D-R-I-V-E-R

2006-06-26T19:43:00.000-07:00

There are some people on the street who should be more aware of themselves, i.e. if they fall into the "capable" category of drivers or if they fall into the "slow" category (hey, I don't want to call anyone a retard).

How many times have I waited at an intersection for a motorist who is so incognizant of the right of way rule that he or she causes everyone to wait while they sit there in their gold-trimmed, dwarf-hanged and overly ornamented car interiors interminably trying to make a decision and being too bloody chicken to just take a chance (at least having balls is more attractive than idiotic and inconveniencing reticence). It's about that time when I wish I had a heat-seeking missile deployment unit bracketed to the underside of my car. And what use are heavily stuffed cushions in the rear window, haaah?!

Then there are those idiots who cut into your lane while you are speeding along (legally of course) in it. These dufuses love to use the old unwritten rule that drivers behind are responsible for watching where they are going and therefore liable if they hit you in the back. It's like believing that a head scarf will protect you from injury if you fall off a motorcycle - blinkered faith, in my view. Gosh, they should hang head scarves all along the divider rails so that when lorries lose control and drive onto the kerb, they'll bounce right off without a scratch to either party.

So back to the idiots who cut into your lane. There are the cocky bastards who think they are on an F1 circuit (wonder if Schummacher would ever drive like he does on the circuit on a civillian road without the millions spent on safety suits and features?), but even more annoying are the ones who wait till the last possible moment because their balls are somewhere up in the intestinal cavity, then take an irrational and stupidly impulsive action like turn left into oncoming traffic (you and me) and then because they are responsible citizens, slow down to make sure they don't look like they are being careless drivers. AAURUHSGHSRUURURFFFCCKCUUUUUGH! That's the time when I wish I had a crossbow loaded into my dashboard.

Another retarded cousin of the above idiot is the one who sits in the sliproad waiting to ease into traffic safely, not having noticed the completely empty lane he or she is sitting in with a stalled convoy of motorists behind her, either quietly having strokes or busily punching their horns. This cousin wonders why everyone is getting upset with her when she's only trying to drive safely. Err... every seen the damage a big truck wreaks when it plows into a stationary object in the middle of the should-be-empty road???!?!?!!!!

Wake up, people! Your lives and your family's lives are on the line. You have a god-given mental facility. If you ain't gonna use, then maybe there's a reason you're an accident waiting to happen!

Sharing is Caring

2006-05-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd share... Don't ever valet at Hartamas Shopping Centre. I saw the jockey get into someone's car and proceed to dig his nose. His index finger was rammed right up his nostril and he was digging like it was the gold rush. So, don't valet at Hartamas Shopping Centre, lest you find all sorts of hidden treasures on your steering wheel. Now. Excuse me while I throw up.

MALAS nak cakap

2006-05-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

Another piece of sophistication from Malas (Malaysian Linguists' Association) - President Ambi Mohan wants the latest, as-yet-unreleased Harry Potter instalment banned because "pot" means marijuana and it obviously means Harry is a ganja-smoking, weed-brained junkie - isn't it obvious? Why else would he think he was going to magic school and flying after metal dragonflies on a broomstick?

However, I am not so much pissed at Ambi as I am impressed by Amir Muhammad's ingenuity - it is all a trick, right? Amir has picked up on the stupidity of "people who have something to say" who actually have not much to say of importance at all, and has created this piece of news to make a statement. I hope so, because I'd rather have been gullible for a day than to be forced to acknowledge the stupidity of MALAS. It just seems too annoyingly possible to be true.

So, "Ambi Mohan", thank you for being such an example of the worst of those out there who believe standing up for what they believe in is actually more important than the stupidity of their belief. Sure, everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want to believe in, but I really feel in order to exercise that right, they need to practise a modicum of common sense and responsibility to others - and not to be an unnecessary emotional and mental burden on the public conscience!!!

Only vaguely more irritating is that portion of the public that notices (yeah, some don't even notice) that something is wrong with what someone is saying, that essentially their moral argument is flawed, or that they make no sense or that they are being entirely egocentric and lack perspective, and yet that portion of the public refuses to comment or ponder or discuss these things, as if discussing them turns into an act of gossip rather than conscience or moral imperative.

Talk is good. Good, well-intentioned, and constructive talk. It clears the air, it establishes more points of reference and clarity between perspectives and means that we remain connected.

BeeYatch Out.

hi, i'm new

2006-05-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

... and the thing irritating me the most right now is rude people on the phone. they ring you and ask you who you are. I've had so many irate "who are you?" "you called me. who are you?" "eh, who are you?" conversations, it's enough to make me wanna kill somebody.

then they ring you and ask you where you are, as though it has any bearing on the conversation at all. especially irritating if they have dialled your home phone number.

also the frontliners in customer service who don't know how listening works - it's an ACTIVE experience, not a PASSIVE one. So if I'm explaining to you why I have called, please don't interrupt to ask me my name or where I'm calling from - you should have asked that from the start, bitch! Asking too many questions seems to me to be an avoidance tactic - total unwillingness to listen and understand, as if it's hard work.

rude bloggers who go off tangent - focus and pay attention to the crap that's a comin' outta yo mouths!

LAst but not least the Malaysian Linguists Association who were included in Amir Muhammad's page in a local daily. They protested the fact that kids nowadays were being too influenced by rapper language and that in order to curb this alarming social ill, they were proposing to change "The Da Vinci Code" to "The The Vinci Code".They then provided an example of how "da" was being wrongly used in place of "the" by quoting a rapper lyric : " hanging with da hoes". Now, this evidence really is a crucial element they failed to use in their favour in this inane argument.

So here's what's wrong with it all:
1
The MaLa obviously has no members who ever studied history, anthropology, science, maths, cryptology, art or even common knowledge for that matter. "Da Vinci? Oh, yeah, I love da shoes."
2
Correct me if I am wrong, but most hoes I know don't even speak. In fact, I find them rather wooden, and sometimes a little spiky in attitude.What? whores? Oh. So, there's nothing offensive about spelling "whores" wrong, but spelling "the" wrong is an utter no-no. Well, it is the most used word in English, right? So I guess it deserves respect. Those stupid hoes can fend for themselves. F**king c**ts. I hope I spelt that right.

Stupidity and wilful ignorance really get my goat. Will somebody reach over and give them a tight slap???????

Chicken Invitation

2006-04-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a fabulous short break with a wonderful girlfriend - fun, frivolous and expensive but totally worth it. So what do I have to bitch about? Trip was marred by the stupid sms/phone etiquette of someone who has piqued my interest recently ;-)

Just as I was packing for the trip I received a call from the PA of an arts supporter (very very very persistent woman!) to visit an art shop. Not wanting to commit, I said I'll get back to her. I then checked with this certain someone if he was going as we were both ambushed into going to this art shop together last week. He said not sure as he's out of town and asked how I was doing. I replied saying I was looking forward to my trip and getting away from KL. And then he asked how long I would be away and if I would like to visit him at his place out of town. Finally! The invitation I had been waiting for had come! Hints have been dropped over the past few weeks about this out of town place and how I should visit but no real invites...so I excitedly (and stupidly) said I would love to go and how long would he be there yadda yadda yadda. And what was his reply? NOTHING. NONE. NOT A WORD. NADA. ZERO. ZILCH.

How freaking rude????!!! You ajak orang and then bila orang kata yes, you tak jawab apa-apa pun. Hello, where are your manners??? Even if you suddenly thought OMG what have I done and wanted to retract it at least come up la with some stupid excuse for backing out. Bowdow. So geram!!!!

Now 3 pairs of shoes, a skirt, a blouse, a bag and 2 lip glosses later I am not so angry. More disappointed actually. Hello, even if this was just a kawan kawan thing, the decent thing would have been to follow up with some kind of response and not just no berita. Not even an sms or call a few days later. He seems like such a nice guy but his phone manners leave much to be desired.

Seems like ajak-ajak ayam or this guy is just chicken. Cluck cluck...

Excuse me...Do you mind if I stick my fork into your crotch?

2006-04-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I was at TSB catching up with a girlfriend I haven't seen in a while. Girlfriend was caught in a jam, so I had some time to myself, taking in the bangsar 'sights' (Mobile Valley Central) as I sipped on my ice-herbal-ginger concoction. When suddenly when from the next table wafted the distinct scent of a group of businessmen (a mixture of cigar smoke, whiskey and dunhill cologne), punctuated by the declaration of "But in KL, I'm not married!!" Cue: guffaws of agreement.

GRRRR! Sick chauvanist PIGS! I wanted to castrate every single one of them and force them into a lifetime of singing reworked Handel castrato arias on being faithful to your spouse at every single charity event in KL..

Anyway, I was told to watch Gubra. Apparently it's very therapeutic for situations like this. Any takers?

FAAAKKKK OFFFFF!

2006-04-10T04:24:00.000-07:00

Kennie "fatty" Doyle is a back-stabbing, two-faced, inexperienced pre-school teacher posing as a theatre practitioner. Bastard! Don't ever dis a Diva, especially when the Diva is walking back into the room.

Rashid Salleh doesn't know his proper place. Just because he once taught a theatre class doesn't give him the right to snub a critically acclaimed actor who also teaches theatre. I've seen my students start their own company. Where are his? He always thinks he knows better than people who've more experience. And it's time to grow up Rashid.

Gavin Yap is just a snivelling little twat. Just admit it and get on with life. How long is your face gonna be buried in there, eh?

My first childish outburst here on this blog. Fuck! It feels great!

If You Want To Pay too Much for Bad Soup...

2006-04-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

Then come on down to this restaurant nestled in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. This soup is supposed to be Chicken Consomme with Scallop Dumplings. Sounds great, right? Well, guess what? It will arrive when everybody else at the table is having dessert, the 3.5 inch-diameter bowl will be half full - like in the picture, there will be no taste whatsoever (the pic was taken after I'd added two large soup spoons full of soy sauce), the dumplings will be so al dente that any more and you would need the El Dentist, the bits of scallop in each of the 2 dumplings will be the size of a baby's fingernail, and guess what??? You will pay a whopping RM20++ for it!!!

And that's not all - blackened leaves were served up in the salads, the salad dressing was so scarce, there was absolutely no taste, and for RM22-28++, the portions were tiny. For 7.90++ you could order a "Nyonya Pancake with coconut sauce" which was basically one (1) Kueh Ketayap which I get in my neighbourhood at RM1 for three pieces. The Kaffir Lime sorbet was bitter, and be prepared to repeat everything to the untrained waitress at least 50 times.

My friend says I should tell the people who run the place how i feel about the bad service and quality of the food - but you know what? I don't think it will make a difference... If they want to pennypinch, they will continue to pennypinch, and they will see repercussions when their customers gradually stop coming.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO BITCH ABOUT!

2006-03-30T23:35:00.000-08:00

Actually, I have a lot to bitch about, but today specifically, let's talk about stinking inconsiderate ah-bengs that cruise their 'fitsubishis' (F-ake mitsubishis, i.e. Wiras with a mitusubishi sticker over the Proton logo.) into parking spots reserved for the disabled even when the parking lot is empty!!

Case in Point: KLPac parking lot, I'm sauntering to my car to retrieve my 'Jane Goodall 'jacket (whenever I wear it I feel like bouncing after hairy apes into the foggy foliage of Kilimanjaro..), when I see a quartet of Ah-Bengs, complete in tight office clothing and spiked gel hair walking towards their car parked in the disabled parking zone. After sizing them up behind my trusty aviators, (I tell you, aviators = instant poker face.) I concluded that the only thing disabled about them was their IQ and fashion sense. So, I let them get into the car before stopping them to point out the 3/4 empty parking lot, demonstrating how parking in a proper spot was the right thing to do (stupid a**holes!) and that taking up a disabled parking spot was extremely inconsiderate and could inconvenience someone that really needed it. (Maybe if you didn't wear your pants so tight you would actually sound like a man, Jerk!)

Anyway, at this point, they start to leer and snigger, prodding each other and sniggering "waahh..engrish, er, engrish!" First of all, it wasn't as if I was telling them off with text borrowed from Chaucer, and second of all, I hate it how people like them think that just because I can speak proper English I can't speak Chinese. This of course prompts me to repeat myself in Mandarin and Cantonese before I end sweetly, "Oh, and..Qu Ni Ma De Shi Ba Dai. Have a Nice Day." (F*cking ignorant maggots!!!)

Ooooh. Swearing in Mandarin just isn't that satisfying.

Choke

2006-03-16T16:53:00.000-08:00

Is it not bad enough that we have contaminated water - and now the haze from forest fires in Riau??? When will they stop? Everytime this happens, their government should be penalised in monetary terms and the money dispensed and compensated to the public for medical care. But having said that - there's no way the money will reach the Malaysian citizen - what am I talking about.. This really sucks.

And speaking of water - what happens? They get more funding to get their jobs done right, water stock prices rise - and the guys who are responsible for this contamination, this laissez-faire-do-nothing-till-it's-too-late style of management, get bailed out! Wow...

AND WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE BITCHING ON THIS GODDAMN BITCH-BLOG???? Forget community service - nobody cares.

Malaysia: Pigwater Birdflu Politicians-with-Foot-in Mouth Land

2006-03-12T00:50:00.000-08:00

After almost a week spent in the Lion City (my face actually got clearer from the cleaner water!), I'm kind of miffed to be back in Malaysia - land of pig-infested water and bird flu, not to mention Hand, Foot and Mouth disease - where there are higher incidences of politicians using their hands to put their feet in their mouths than victims suffering from the disease - and mind you, the numbers are escalating alarmingly. My heart goes out to the little ones who are suffering as we speak.

In the land of the kiasu lion

2006-03-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm in Singapore and No, I don't want to bitch about Singapore.

but I do want to bitch about a fat f*** who sits somewhere in the office in Hong Kong who thinks his arse shits gold nuggets like an ATM that's out of this world. ATM as in Anus Tremendous Maximus. I honestly don't know what he and this goose of a bitch in Singapore he hired to govern over me, have against me. I don't want to get into the petty details but it's just that they do not see the good work that I do and blame me for things like - "the enormous amount of time you take to respond to emails."

Hello - if you send me an email at 7pm at night and I don't see it till the morning - is that my fault? Is that an inordinate amount of time? If it's so urgent - why not sms or call me?

Plus - if I do not respond immediately it probably means I have better things to do like client requests which are obviously far more important in my books because it's on my list of responsibilities and not stuff that she can actually do herself like calling around to get the email addresses of contacts.

Oh may the best curses uttered by evil witches all over the world from the past to the present blast in the eardrums of their subconscious and churn out unforgiving nightmares to each of these exquisite assholes for 2 fortnights and at any time they wish to sit on their fat asses and bitch about me when I've just got my head down doing what i ought.

Hot Mamas and Their Tots.

2006-03-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

Picture this. Setting: Cold Storage Bangsar. Mother, dressed in 7 jeans, Versace shades, Vuitton papillon. Followed by Maid, pushing shopping cart filled to the brim with one hand and toting Mother's daughter in the other. Daughter starts crying, Mother looks around, grabs a Chupa Chups off the rack, passes it to maid, who passes it to daughter. Mother resumes staring off into space while maid tries to placate daughter with peaches and cream Chupa Chups. Hmm...What is wrong with this picture?

First of all, advice to the mother, straight from the heart. If you really wanted another accessory, put yourself on a waiting list for a blue crocodile Birkin. Kids are ten times more expensive, they make a hell of noise if you spill something on them, plus, the Birkin on your arm is forever très chic, while a hulking, skulking teenager is not. Forget dysfunction, think about the style implications!!

It annoys me to no end when I see women trying to be mothers by thinking a modicum gesture executed via the maid does the trick. I say let's advertise a weekend getaway to Mt. Vesuvius in Glam or Prestige. The highlight of the trip will entail being airlifted to the mouth of the volcano where lucky stylish mothers will get to toss a lucky stick of dynamite into the volcano, bringing them good fortune for the rest of their stylish lives. :)

Wet ears

2006-03-04T00:17:00.000-08:00

Today I went to one of Kuala Lumpur's top hair salons and was waited on by an exotic foreign hairstylist who was going to help me with a colour job. (Gay, so being a girl - I'm not his type). Anyhow, everything went fine till I got home and decided to relax, have a good read. Next thing you know, my pillows are smeared with dark brown splotches. My ears were still wet with dye and the stylist hadn't bothered to wipe 'em. And my white pillow cases are all but destroyed! What the..!!!!

Welcome to Bitchfest Bitchavaganza 2006!

2006-03-03T04:15:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody,

We all have something to bitch about but we all know how bitching makes us feel afterwards and we all know how bitching is often viewed, so what I've done is created an online bitch-blog for all you good people who sometimes need a good bitch. Bitch about anyone and anything without remorse or fear of being judged. Everyone is entitled to his or her independent views after all! It's a free world!

RULES of this bitchblog:

1) No obscene language - get creative with your cursing! Symbols (e.g. F***) are absolutely allowed!

2) No names - we want to bitch with abandon and without judgement. However, we don't actually want to hurt people. BUT! When things get personal - you can always bitch about e.g.this guy i know who's a doctor whom we shall call X. But if it's someone everybody knows, e.g. Michael Jackson, Khir Toyo, Simon Cowell; OR if it's an establishment or a movie or a book - by all means refer to them by name if you wish! The choice is yours!

3) Taboo: No criticism of RELIGION or RACE. We do not want to start wars or make enemies. We do not tolerate bigotry.

4) In reading other people's blogs, be objective. This is a safehouse for bitching. Do not judge. You can add to it, but do not make your fellow Bitchfiend feel bad - otherwise the purpose of this blog is compromised.

5) If you want to be a contributor to this site, please send me your email address and you will be considered by the core Bitchfest Committee.

That's all for now!

Let the Bitching begin!!!